KING KONG

Director: Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings films, Heavenly Creatures, The Frighteners)
Starring: Naomi Watts, Jack Black, Adrien Brody, A giant CGI ape.

There are moments in this film that are quite extraordinary. Unfortunately there are also a few moments that are exceedingly ordinary, if not just plain stupid. Worst of all though, Peter Jackson suffers from a severe bought of cinematic gluttony throughout. There is simply no way this movie should have run 3 hours.

As if you didn’t know, King Kong is the story of a giant ape gone to Broadway. He’s a feared god-like creature living on the distant Skull Island until subdued by soulless capitalists and put on the grandest of stages. Of course he then escapes and runs amok in the city so nice they had to name it twice. Eventually, he climbs the Empire State building and gets smoked by some biplanes. Yep, that’s it. Oh, except for the creepy part where he falls in love with the blond. Naomi Watts is the blond. In fact she enters a deep, nearly romantic relationship with the 25-foot tall monkey. Thank god the union is never consummated.

This is a bit of a silly story. There’s no way to claim the original was a great story, and there’s no way to claim this version is any better. Nominally we’re talking about exploitation of the natural world here, but we also have a love story between a destructive giant ape and a blond. I’ve yet to understand why that’s supposed to be anything but weird.

Anyway on to the good parts of the film: There were some very good visuals here and there. The finale on the Empire State building was truly gorgeous. Additionally, there was a fun tone to the script. It knew that this movie wasn’t to be taken particularly seriously. As such, the film worked solidly. Parts may be nothing more than glossy entertainment, but it has its moments of real emotion. As I’ve mentioned, though, there were some problems that made the flick far less entertaining than it might have been.

Peter Jackson made a single awful mistake in this film. He assumed that if one CGI creepy crawly is cool, and two is better, than 400 must be just that much better. This film utterly fell in love with its effects, and to the severe detriment to the film as a whole. Virtually every single time there was a shot of the ape it would be extended past the point of interest. That is, if he wanted to show Kong scratching himself, we wouldn’t just see him scratch himself. He’d scratch himself, and then again, and then sit down, and then growl, and then scratch himself again. I laughed out loud more than once during these ridiculously drawn out shots.

Even worse than these long CGI shots, though, were the annoying CGI action sequences. I will point out a rampaging herd of dinosaurs and a random battle with giant insects as the two worst offenders. These scenes were simply not well done.

I’m really going to go out on a limb here, and this might be travesty to suggest such a thing about the art team that brought us the Lord of the Rings movies, but I frankly didn’t like a lot of the art design in this film. I hated the blatantly racist, subhuman natives on Skull Island. I hated the design of the island as a whole. I hated many of the CGI monsters (excluding Kong himself, who was quite interesting). I very much did like the design of 1930s New York, however.

As a final note I will add that when Kong finds his blond love in New York, they go ice-skating together. That might just have been the biggest laugh I got in 2005. Unfortunately, I’m not sure it was supposed to be funny.

Standouts: Aspects of the art design and tone of the story. Kong himself.
Blowouts: Gluttonous direction, other aspects of the art design. Somewhat ho-hum acting.

Grade: B

12/21/2005

SAHARA (DVD)

Director: Breck Eisner (no major film work, Thoughtcrimes, Recon)
Staring: Matthew McConaughey, Penelope Cruz, William Macy, Steve Zahn)

There is a moment in Sahara where the film jumps away from the searing mediocrity it exhibits up to that point and firmly defines itself as shit-for-brains stupid. (It’s when the good guys start windsurfing the sands of the desert on some random plane wreckage if you’re specifically wondering.) Prior to this, the film is just average dumb. It might be the kind of movie someone could enjoy if they didn’t really want to think too hard (or at all actually), but really I just found its average-osity to be borderline painful. Honestly, once this film took its swift turn toward the ridiculous I felt a little better at first. It was like someone stamping your foot when you have a toothache. At least I didn’t notice the dull pain in my jaw during the last third of this film.

Plot-wise, this is the story of Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz having piercingly stupid adventures in the deserts of North Africa. Some of those adventures involve civil war era ironclads and international toxic waste intrigues, but mostly they just involve Matt and Penelope frolicking in the sands.

McConaughey displays an incredible talent for character creation in this film. He plays a one-time frat boy from some large state university down south embroiled in adventure. This role is not to be confused with his other notable roles, like the one-time frat boy from some large state university down south embroiled in romance, or the same embroiled in comedy. Penelope Cruz also does a fine job stretching the limits of her persona, portraying “the cute girl” on the screen. She nailed the role.

Frankly, this was a pretty awful movie. Straight up, I think I’d have a great time tailgating with Matt and Penelope before the big game. I had an awful time watching them try to do whatever they were doing on the screen in this movie though.

Standouts: William Macy in a paycheck role.
Blowouts: Most everything else.

Grade: D

12/16/2005