SAHARA (DVD)

Director: Breck Eisner (no major film work, Thoughtcrimes, Recon)
Staring: Matthew McConaughey, Penelope Cruz, William Macy, Steve Zahn)

There is a moment in Sahara where the film jumps away from the searing mediocrity it exhibits up to that point and firmly defines itself as shit-for-brains stupid. (It’s when the good guys start windsurfing the sands of the desert on some random plane wreckage if you’re specifically wondering.) Prior to this, the film is just average dumb. It might be the kind of movie someone could enjoy if they didn’t really want to think too hard (or at all actually), but really I just found its average-osity to be borderline painful. Honestly, once this film took its swift turn toward the ridiculous I felt a little better at first. It was like someone stamping your foot when you have a toothache. At least I didn’t notice the dull pain in my jaw during the last third of this film.

Plot-wise, this is the story of Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz having piercingly stupid adventures in the deserts of North Africa. Some of those adventures involve civil war era ironclads and international toxic waste intrigues, but mostly they just involve Matt and Penelope frolicking in the sands.

McConaughey displays an incredible talent for character creation in this film. He plays a one-time frat boy from some large state university down south embroiled in adventure. This role is not to be confused with his other notable roles, like the one-time frat boy from some large state university down south embroiled in romance, or the same embroiled in comedy. Penelope Cruz also does a fine job stretching the limits of her persona, portraying “the cute girl” on the screen. She nailed the role.

Frankly, this was a pretty awful movie. Straight up, I think I’d have a great time tailgating with Matt and Penelope before the big game. I had an awful time watching them try to do whatever they were doing on the screen in this movie though.

Standouts: William Macy in a paycheck role.
Blowouts: Most everything else.

Grade: D

12/16/2005