PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

Director: Gore Verbinski (Pirates I, The Weatherman, The Mexican)
Starring: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightely, Stellen Skarsgaard

Argh, me matey, prepare to have thy buckle swashed. Of course, compared to the original Pirates there is fair shake less buckle-swashing in this most sequel-like of sequels. If said swashing is your thing, however, I think there's still enough to please in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

As a fan of the original Pirates, I was at least marginally interested in seeing this film. Oh, I know, sequels almost universally suck - especially those of the summer blockbuster variety. But I don't know how I could ever enjoy movies without a bit of self-delusion going in. If I didn't arrive at every movie thinking that Hollywood wasn't going to treat me like mindless cattle, I'd never have a positive attitude about any film.

Unfortunately, I'm sad to report that uber-producer Mr. Bruckheimer chose to go the craptastic sequel route in Dead Man's chest, at least partly - the most obvious defining characteristics of a craptastic sequel being "bigger", "broader", and "louder". Oh, if we break it down by time, I could say that the majority of this blockbuster sequel was actually not bad. The first 90 minutes or so were perfectly acceptable blockbuster entertainment, if not up to the level of the original. I found the final hour to be a CGI mess, however. Gone was the rip-roaring pirate adventure and in its place was ridiculously overdone (and not in a funny way) computer effects. I'm not talking about cool ghostly pirates here either. I'm talking about giant CGI kraken, exploding ships, slow motion bullets and characters suddenly becoming dumber. You know, bigger monsters, broader characters, louder explosions. Yes, Bruckheimer replaced some of the joy and adventure of the first film with predictable sequel suckiness. Sad. Very, very sad for a fan. Oh well.

I'll add that there's no way a silly summer pirate movie should run 2 1/2 hours. During the final half hour I was almost desperately wishing that I needed to use the bathroom. Unfortunately I didn't have to. Dry as a bone. I guess I should have had a $5 coke with my gummi-worms. Yes, I'm embarrassed to say I had gummi-worms. Uh, where was I going with this?

Anyway, in terms of plot Pirates Deux was the tale of Davy Jones (voiced by Bill Nighy as some sort of otherwordly CGI squid-man) chasing Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow. Captain Jack had made a deal with the devil (or Davey Jones in this case) some years before and now it was time to pay up. After a fair amount of zaniness (Depp's escape from becoming dinner for some natives, for instance) and some double-crossing of the other stars by Depp's shady character, the film finishes with the big, broad, and loud action numbers I mentioned previously.

As for the acting, Depp gives fine repeat performance of his erstwhile highly original Jack Sparrow character. Bloom and Knightley are perfectly acceptable, if unmemorable, in their small co-lead roles. Perhaps going against the grain of other reviews, I was actually somewhat disappointed by the bad guys in this episode. I found Geoffrey Rush to be on equal footing with Depp in the first film in terms of performance. His ghostly pirate captain was a great part of that first film's success me thinks. Unfortunately, I found Davey Jones and his crew in this film to be far more weird and ugly than captivating.

So, overall, this was a marginally engaging sequel to a blockbuster. On the Sequel Scale I would say it's better than Ghostbuster's II or Look Who's Talking II, but not quite at Star Trek II.

Standouts: Fun zaniness early on, more excitement from the interesting world of Caribbean Pirates and Disney rides.
Blowouts: Dumb overuse of CGI explosions and monsters. I blame Bruckheimer.

Grade: B-